i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
