So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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