I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
