I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
