Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize