he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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