I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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