yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize