Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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