I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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