If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
