I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
