Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
