It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
