Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
