oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
