i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
