eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
