I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My life is pants optional.
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