he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
