I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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