I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
