Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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