dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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