I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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