By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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