During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
