do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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