im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
