just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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