I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
