She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
