It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
