Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
