White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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