Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
