the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
