Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
