its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
