i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
