dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
