ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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