Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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