Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize