And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
