The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
