I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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