We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
