you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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