U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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