upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
