He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
