i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
