well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
