Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
