Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
