Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
