How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
