I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
