I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
