Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
