whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
