I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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