I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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