I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
