I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
